Sex is a language – and like any language, the conversation becomes more fluent, organic and enjoyable when two people share each other’s language. So when it comes to your sex life, it’s important to understand your partner’s “love language” and that they understand yours.
Good communication is key to any relationship, both inside and outside the bedroom. By communicating your sexual needs to each other, you can both gain confidence in knowing how to please your partner, establish a deeper emotional connection and achieve a more invigorating sexual relationship.
So without further ado, here are 10 tips for learning how to speak your partner’s love language better.
1. Check in regularly
It may feel awkward at first, but consider arranging a little “appointment” on a regular ongoing basis to sit down together and chat about your relationship – what’s going well, any areas that need improvement, any thoughts/feelings either of you have been experiencing, etc. This kind of honest and open communication helps to discover more about each other, and it can do wonders for increasing intimacy as you resolve issues together and grow stronger as a couple.
2. Learn to help your partner in your own arousal
It’s important for yourself and your partner to be comfortable with telling each other what you both want in the bedroom. The better you communicate this, the more accurately your partner can hone in on what pleases you. However, you’ll find this process much more effective if you learn how to encourage your own arousal and take charge of your own journey to climax as well.
Don’t be afraid to help your partner out where needed, and tell them the pinpoint moments where you’re receiving particularly intense pleasure – of course, ask them to do this for you as well, so that you can both gain a better understanding of each other’s bodies and “touchpoints” for intimacy.
3. Place emphasis on “experiencing intimacy” together, not just “having sex”
A lot of us tend to focus on the sex itself, rather than the intimate moments that surround it, such as hugging, kissing and engaging in pillow talk. Try prioritising the act of just spending time together in bed – you might find that these non-sexual activities help to create the intimacy which then improves your sex. Having breaks during sex can also help to break down the barriers around what a typical “sex session” should look and feel like from start to finish.
4. Give more attention to foreplay
While many people tend to blaze through foreplay as quickly as possible to get to the “main event”, this can be detrimental to a pleasurable sexual experience. Foreplay helps to build suspense, and you’ll probably find that the sex is much more enjoyable when you’ve given each other ample time to reach new heights of arousal before even getting started on the good stuff! Try teasing, kissing, touching, and allowing each other to give/receive pleasure before moving on to the sex itself.
5. Try mutual masturbation
As close as you might be with your partner, at the end of the day no one knows what we like better than ourselves. By masturbating in front of your partner, you give them the opportunity to see the ways you touch yourself – the motions, manoeuvres and rhythms that work best for you. Is there any better way to show your partner how to press your buttons than by pressing them yourself? Mutual masturbation can be an exciting experience for both parties, and serves as a useful tool during foreplay. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to push through this and get to know each other better on a physical level.
6. Experiment with new positions
It sounds simple, but often we grow accustomed to the same several sexual positions and don’t realise that other positions might stimulate different areas, uncover new desires and spice things up in the bedroom. The Kama Sutra is a fantastic resource for experimenting with new positions together, and seeing what works. Porn can also be helpful, and the act of watching porn with your partner might also help to introduce new levels of excitement to your sexual relationship.
7. Share the role of initiating sex
Having someone else initiate sex with us is an important part of feeling attractive and desirable. If the sex in your relationship is typically initiated by the same person, then it might be time to mix things up and take turns. Sharing the role of initiating sex ensures both partners feel sexy, and it can encourage more spontaneous sex that breaks out of the usual “patterns” or flow of things.
8. Dress up!
Every once in a while, consider surprising your partner with a tantalising outfit. This isn’t just for them – it should help you to feel sexy and excited as well. Anything that builds confidence in the bedroom is welcome, and dressing up is a sure-fire way to introduce new elements to your lovemaking.
9. Stay up to date on each other’s evolving sexual preferences
Are you still aroused by the exact same things that turned you on when you first started exploring your sexuality? Probably not, right? Well, your partner is the same. Their sexual desires have most likely adjusted and evolved as time passes, and if you stick to the same routine, you may find that your sexual relationship has become a bit stale.
Likewise, your partner will be unaware of your changing appetites as well, so it can be hugely beneficial to communicate these things with one another. Ask each other if the same things still arouse you as much as they used to, and if not, what can be changed?
10. Use sex toys
Who says sex toys are for solo play? Toys like dildos and vibrators can introduce an exciting new element to sex and perhaps stimulate several erogenous zones at once. This can be an awkward conversation to initiate, but remember that your partner wants to do everything in their power to enhance your pleasure during sex together – if this means incorporating sex toys, then they should be on board with the idea.
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Image: Couple