It doesn’t matter how close you and your partner are and how well you communicate, discussions about sex can be difficult to navigate. It’s a touchy subject, bottom line. And when you’re bringing up the idea of introducing adult sex toys into your sex life, you risk making your partner uncomfortable or even worse, insecure.

Obviously, at FemPlay we know that sex toys are a great way to bond and enhance intimacy, but some people feel intimidated by them. If you’ve been wanting to try a vibrator or cock ring with your partner, follow our tips on how to bring it up.

Pick the Time Wisely

In real estate it’s all about location, but when it comes to conversations about sex, it’s all about timing. Let’s start with when NOT to bring it up: right after you just finished having sex.

The best time to talk about trying out something new, like a Fleshlight or dildo, is when you and your partner are both relaxed. Avoid bringing it up on a date, though, because the added pressure of romance can complicate the conversation. Instead, try introducing the idea when you’re in the middle of a routine, neutral activity, like reading the paper on the couch or taking an afternoon drive.

Whenever you decide to bring it up, make sure it doesn’t feel too forced or rehearsed. The more organic the conversation is, the more at-ease your partner will feel, and the more likely he’ll agree to give it a try.

Watch Your Tone

It’s tricky to bring up sex toys without sounding too flippant or too desperate. You want to come across as playful and daring, like ‘You know what would be so naughty…’

Try to stay away from a clinical tone. Part of the appeal of sex toys is the taboo—your partner is your co-conspirator in this, and he should be made to feel that way. If you come across as pleading, you risk putting off your partner by making him feel like he isn’t enough for you.

Stress the Benefits

Psychologists talk about ‘I’ messages all the time, but this is one time you want to balance the conversation with lots of ‘you’. Your partner needs to know what he will get out of it and that you want him to experience the fun and pleasure of a sex toy as much as you want it for yourself.

Mention what a turn-on sex toys are to you, and go into detail about how you fantasise using one on him. Sometimes a little visualisation really helps you get comfortable with a new idea.

Finally, make sure to stress that you want to make the decision together. Sit down and take a look at our article on sex toys for newbies, browse our inventory of the best sex toys in Australia, and find one that both of you are excited about trying.