Our lives are a power game. Sometimes we have too much power, other times not enough. Very often, we have little to no control over the power structures in our lives. This power imbalance leads us to seek dominance and submission in other parts of our lives—especially in the bedroom.

Whether you feel a pull to be the dominant or submissive partner, a large percentage of couples are playing power games in the bedroom, whether they know it or not. Many however, aren’t familiar with how to start a rewarding, upfront dominance/submission game in the bedroom. Here are a few suggestions.

1. Blindfolds
   If you haven’t tried blindfolds, now is the perfect time. By incorporating a blindfold into your lovemaking, you will ask the blindfolded person to put their trust in you…which is what dominance and submission is about. Start with a blindfold that is incorporated into your usual routine. Then, push the envelope a little more by incorporating the other senses. For example, try using a brush as a paddle, ice-on-skin or other types of stimulation.

2. Handcuffs Like blindfolds, handcuffs build trust, but they’re more about restraining movement and less about physical stimulation. When choosing handcuffs, you’ll ideally want to purchase some through an adult shop, which will increase comfort and safety. Once you’ve outgrown simple handcuffs, consider other bedroom bondage.

3. A Trust GameTrust games don’t just build trust, they also build intimacy. A trust game depends on your level of comfort, as you need to find something that one or both partners is hesitant to do—and then use the game,accompanied by a large number of verbal cues along the way, for safety, to break through barriers.

4. A Punishment Box Dominance and submission is about a power structure that is defined by carefully enforced rules. That means you need to pick strict rules and punishments. A great way to do this is to create a ‘punishment box’. This box can contain cards with punishments listed on them, including physical punishments like paddles, pleasure/orgasm-based punishments (generally based on withholding) or physical stimuli like clothespins to be placed on the nipples. If the male is the submissive, consider using a cock ring as a physical punishment. The punishment box can be as vanilla or as kinky as you like, depending on how far you’ve taken your dominance/submission games.

How to Finish your Dominance/Submission Game 

Since dominance and submission are based on trust, mutual respect and love, ending your game should be done with tact. Instead of ending with a punishment, which could create resentment, end with loving gestures. Whoever was playing the dominant character—which may change with each encounter—should initiate a gentle massage, a romantic bath or tender cuddling. Ending in this way will bring things to a relaxed conclusion and create additional intimacy.