A positive attitude is essential when it comes to bringing up the ‘S’ word. While there’s probably a lot in your mind that you want to experiment with and try, there is actually a wrong and right way to bring these matters up.

In this article, we help you understand how attitude, tone and the nature of your communication can dictate the result you get in the bedroom. Learn how to ask your partner to spice up your sex life, without coming across as unappreciative or disrespectful – we’ve got all bases covered!

Set complaints up as requests

If you’re not happy about something ‘in the bedroom’, approach it from the angle that you’re ‘requesting’ your partner to try a new angle on a specific technique. For example, if they’re prone to checking their phones during your special time, ask them if they’d be interested in setting aside some time on a weekend for zero devices, as a way to spark intimacy.

Approaching it as a request or suggestion, rather than flat-out saying you’re sick of them looking at their phone and not you, will soften the ‘blow’.

Introduce a game

If you’re looking to spice things up, instead of making each other feel uncomfortable about trying something new, make it more of a game than anything else. This will lighten the mood and keep things fun, without the pressure – especially if sex toys are involved.

For example, if you are looking to change how many times you have sex per week, instead of telling them you want more, make a guessing game out of it.

Saying “I” makes a big difference

Sex is a complicated topic; there’s no doubt about it. And it’s sensitive. Using language that includes “I” as the approach will create intimacy, inclusiveness and direct emotion.

For example, instead of “missionary sex is boring”, you can change the statement to “I like it when you X” – you’re giving them a suggestion and an alternative, rather than saying you’re not enjoying your bedroom fun.

Patience is key

Everyone’s experience and comfort levels when it comes to sex are different. Remember that while you may be all up for something, your partner may not be, and you must respect their decisions and remain patient. If your partner needs more time or support, it’s your job to give both to them.

Avoid accusing your partner

Never accuse your partner when things don’t always go as planned. If you want to try something, explain why you want to try it and how it makes you feel. Avoid negative statements of accusations in this area, such as “We never have sex anymore” or something along these lines. This won’t get you anywhere good.

At the end of the day, your relationship in the bedroom is all about listening to each other and respecting boundaries. Discuss and communicate how you both feel and what you expect from each other, but keep it positive. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.