Sex is a language – and like any language, the conversation becomes more fluent, organic and enjoyable when two people share each other’s language. So when it comes to your sex life, it’s important to understand your partner’s “love language” and that they understand yours.

Good communication is key to any relationship, both inside and outside the bedroom. By communicating your sexual needs to each other, you can both gain confidence in knowing how to please your partner, establish a deeper emotional connection and achieve a more invigorating sexual relationship.

So without further ado, here are 10 tips for learning how to speak your partner’s love language better.

1. Check in regularly

It may feel awkward at first, but consider arranging a little “appointment” on a regular ongoing basis to sit down together and chat about your relationship – what’s going well, any areas that need improvement, any thoughts/feelings either of you have been experiencing, etc. This kind of honest and open communication helps to discover more about each other, and it can do wonders for increasing intimacy as you resolve issues together and grow stronger as a couple.

2. Learn to help your partner in your own arousal

It’s important for yourself and your partner to be comfortable with telling each other what you both want in the bedroom. The better you communicate this, the more accurately your partner can hone in on what pleases you. However, you’ll find this process much more effective if you learn how to encourage your own arousal and take charge of your own journey to climax as well.

Don’t be afraid to help your partner out where needed, and tell them the pinpoint moments where you’re receiving particularly intense pleasure – of course, ask them to do this for you as well, so that you can both gain a better understanding of each other’s bodies and “touchpoints” for intimacy.

3. Place emphasis on “experiencing intimacy” together, not just “having sex”

A lot of us tend to focus on the sex itself, rather than the intimate moments that surround it, such as hugging, kissing and engaging in pillow talk. Try prioritising the act of just spending time together in bed – you might find that these non-sexual activities help to create the intimacy which then improves your sex. Having breaks during sex can also help to break down the barriers around what a typical “sex session” should look and feel like from start to finish.

4. Give more attention to foreplay

While many people tend to blaze through foreplay as quickly as possible to get to the “main event”, this can be detrimental to a pleasurable sexual experience. Foreplay helps to build suspense, and you’ll probably find that the sex is much more enjoyable when you’ve given each other ample time to reach new heights of arousal before even getting started on the good stuff! Try teasing, kissing, touching, and allowing each other to give/receive pleasure before moving on to the sex itself.

5. Try mutual masturbation

As close as you might be with your partner, at the end of the day no one knows what we like better than ourselves. By masturbating in front of your partner, you give them the opportunity to see the ways you touch yourself – the motions, manoeuvres and rhythms that work best for you. Is there any better way to show your partner how to press your buttons than by pressing them yourself? Mutual masturbation can be an exciting experience for both parties, and serves as a useful tool during foreplay. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to push through this and get to know each other better on a physical level.

6. Experiment with new positions

It sounds simple, but often we grow accustomed to the same several sexual positions and don’t realise that other positions might stimulate different areas, uncover new desires and spice things up in the bedroom. The Kama Sutra is a fantastic resource for experimenting with new positions together, and seeing what works. Porn can also be helpful, and the act of watching porn with your partner might also help to introduce new levels of excitement to your sexual relationship.

7. Share the role of initiating sex

Having someone else initiate sex with us is an important part of feeling attractive and desirable. If the sex in your relationship is typically initiated by the same person, then it might be time to mix things up and take turns. Sharing the role of initiating sex ensures both partners feel sexy, and it can encourage more spontaneous sex that breaks out of the usual “patterns” or flow of things.

8. Dress up!

Every once in a while, consider surprising your partner with a tantalising outfit. This isn’t just for them – it should help you to feel sexy and excited as well. Anything that builds confidence in the bedroom is welcome, and dressing up is a sure-fire way to introduce new elements to your lovemaking.

9. Stay up to date on each other’s evolving sexual preferences

Are you still aroused by the exact same things that turned you on when you first started exploring your sexuality? Probably not, right? Well, your partner is the same. Their sexual desires have most likely adjusted and evolved as time passes, and if you stick to the same routine, you may find that your sexual relationship has become a bit stale.

Likewise, your partner will be unaware of your changing appetites as well, so it can be hugely beneficial to communicate these things with one another. Ask each other if the same things still arouse you as much as they used to, and if not, what can be changed?

10. Use sex toys

Who says sex toys are for solo play? Toys like dildos and vibrators can introduce an exciting new element to sex and perhaps stimulate several erogenous zones at once. This can be an awkward conversation to initiate, but remember that your partner wants to do everything in their power to enhance your pleasure during sex together – if this means incorporating sex toys, then they should be on board with the idea.

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Victoria has recently become the third State/Territory in Australia to decriminalise sex work, marking a milestone moment for advocates who have waited several decades for sex work reforms.

The Sex Work Decriminalisation Bill repeals offences and criminal penalties for adults engaging in consensual sex work in Victoria. In particular, the Bill:

• Partially abolishes street-based sex work offences
• Removes past sex work offences from the records of those concerned
• Eases discrimination laws, making life easier for sex workers in areas like banking, finance, accommodation, education and employment

Reason Party leader and former sex worker Fiona Patten has been fighting for reforms to sex work laws for 40 years. She said these reforms are long overdue.

“This bill is for everyone who has been working under these draconian laws that have not protected us,” Patten said during the upper house debate. “They haven’t protected the people in the industry – the sex workers, the brothel owners, the managers, the receptionists.”

Sex Work Law Reform Victoria spokesperson Matthew Roberts said the main benefit these reforms have for sex workers is they’ll no longer have to fear the police if something goes wrong at work.

A nationwide survey conducted by Scarlet Alliance and the Centre for Social Research in 2020 revealed that 96% of sex workers reported experiencing discrimination in the past 12 months.

“Sex workers at the moment experience rampant discrimination in all aspects of their life,” Roberts said. “If a sex worker wants to move out of the industry and find a job, there’s also discrimination there.”

How were Victorian sex work laws set up before?

Prior to these reforms, street-based sex work was a crime in the State of Victoria, while strict licensing conditions permitted monetary exchange for sexual services at registered brothels and/or escort agencies. The issue with this system is that sex workers have said it’s difficult to navigate, and legislation can be overwhelmingly confusing. The new reforms partially abolish penalties for street-based sex work.

The first group of reforms are scheduled to come into effect from May 10 of this year, and the remainder of the reforms (including a full repeal of the Sex Work Act 1994) are scheduled to come into effect from December 2023.

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In the market for quality sex toys online from the industry’s leading brands? Femplay is Australia’s most discreet source of vibrators, dildos, sex toys, lingerie and all your online adult shop needs.

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A positive attitude is essential when it comes to bringing up the ‘S’ word. While there’s probably a lot in your mind that you want to experiment with and try, there is actually a wrong and right way to bring these matters up.

In this article, we help you understand how attitude, tone and the nature of your communication can dictate the result you get in the bedroom. Learn how to ask your partner to spice up your sex life, without coming across as unappreciative or disrespectful – we’ve got all bases covered!

Set complaints up as requests

If you’re not happy about something ‘in the bedroom’, approach it from the angle that you’re ‘requesting’ your partner to try a new angle on a specific technique. For example, if they’re prone to checking their phones during your special time, ask them if they’d be interested in setting aside some time on a weekend for zero devices, as a way to spark intimacy.

Approaching it as a request or suggestion, rather than flat-out saying you’re sick of them looking at their phone and not you, will soften the ‘blow’.

Introduce a game

If you’re looking to spice things up, instead of making each other feel uncomfortable about trying something new, make it more of a game than anything else. This will lighten the mood and keep things fun, without the pressure – especially if sex toys are involved.

For example, if you are looking to change how many times you have sex per week, instead of telling them you want more, make a guessing game out of it.

Saying “I” makes a big difference

Sex is a complicated topic; there’s no doubt about it. And it’s sensitive. Using language that includes “I” as the approach will create intimacy, inclusiveness and direct emotion.

For example, instead of “missionary sex is boring”, you can change the statement to “I like it when you X” – you’re giving them a suggestion and an alternative, rather than saying you’re not enjoying your bedroom fun.

Patience is key

Everyone’s experience and comfort levels when it comes to sex are different. Remember that while you may be all up for something, your partner may not be, and you must respect their decisions and remain patient. If your partner needs more time or support, it’s your job to give both to them.

Avoid accusing your partner

Never accuse your partner when things don’t always go as planned. If you want to try something, explain why you want to try it and how it makes you feel. Avoid negative statements of accusations in this area, such as “We never have sex anymore” or something along these lines. This won’t get you anywhere good.

At the end of the day, your relationship in the bedroom is all about listening to each other and respecting boundaries. Discuss and communicate how you both feel and what you expect from each other, but keep it positive. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.

For most people, packing to go away can be a nightmare. But when you’re looking to bring your ‘fun friends’ away with you, this duty becomes even more daunting. And then there’s the thought that you’ll be caught in the act while you’re away, your collection of sex toys on full, public display.

Never fear. This article shows you how to travel with sex toys without embarrassment. Easy!

Airline regulations and border laws

In a nutshell, there’s generally only one rule of thumb you’ll need to consider here: if airport security thinks you can use your sex toy as a weapon (no, seriously), then they won’t let you board your flight with it in your carry-on baggage.

The problem is that it’s not easy to identify which toys fall into this category, but metal ones may start to toe the line. Additionally, we recommend avoiding travelling with sex toys like paddles, ropes, cuffs or those that feature ‘impact’ during use. These may not go down so well with the good, old border security fellas…

Choose your chosen design wisely

Some adult toys look more discreet than others (AKA dildos are pretty obvious in shape). By choosing a more subtle option to take away with you on your adventures, you reduce the chance that your bags will be further searched and examined.

For example, opting to bring a small vibrator that you can pop into your makeup bag is a far better option that will likely fly under the radar (no pun intended).

Consider that lube may be a no-go

Many airlines have guidelines that you can’t bring liquids on board, and lube is one of these products. If you’re going to take some along on your ride, choose travel-sized alternatives over full bottles.

Store them in a clear bag

It’s essential to put your sex toys in a clear plastic bag so that if security happens to check them out further, they can quickly see the contents without handling your items and risking any sanitisation issues.

Think about the noise level

When you’re staying with other people, choosing to travel with sex toys that are quiet will be a godsend. Trust us; you’ll thank yourself later. Good options here are those without motors, but we understand that sometimes you just need that extra ‘oomph’ to get off. At the end of the day, this is all about whether you feel you need to muffle the noise or not.

Additionally, some brands make whisper-quiet designs so that you can get your rocks off without risking the walk of shame afterwards. Our recommendations here are the ‘Whisper Micro-Heated Bullet’ or the Womanizer Premium Clitoral Sucking Vibe.

Conclusion

Ultimately, you can get your fix while you’re away, without having to answer a million questions later on from those that weren’t so happy to know about your bedroom antics. All it takes is some discretion, some pre-planning and strategic storage before you hit the road (or sky).

Remember that our collection has plenty of other options to choose from that make for the perfect sidekick on your travels. For more information, feel free to contact our friendly customer support team.

We all know (or should) that sexual activity should only be performed with the agreement of both parties involved. There’s actually an official term for that, and it’s called “affirmative consent”.

Ultimately, consent should be a shared responsibility, which means that all people concerned in the experience must make sure that they have gained the necessary approval. This is not a matter of courtesy either, it’s the law.

Sexual consent in a nutshell

If you are the one providing consent for sex, you can actually withdraw it at any moment; it’s not just a one-time “yes” at the beginning of interaction and then you’re good to go. If you are ever feeling uncomfortable or want to end the moment, you have the right to.

The problem is that people often claim that sex becomes “awkward” or “uninspired” if consent is given in advance; like it’s scheduled or “robotic”. While you don’t need to get your pen ready to sign official documentation, consent is necessary and it’s simply a no-brainer.

So how can you get it without ruining the mood?

If you feel like simply checking in with your partner might ruin the sensual atmosphere or take away from its spontaneity, affirmative consent is the best alternative. It looks a bit like this:

You’re looking to understand more about your partner’s preferences and want to know what “gets them off” when it comes to physical contact. To do this appropriately and gain consent at the same time, you can use questions like “Would you like it if I ____?” or “How does this feel?”

Additionally, creative companies have taken affirmative consent one step further by putting together handy cards to help facilitate this dialogue with a partner. If we’ve learnt anything from the BDSM community, it’s that they have a well-established system for discussing permission.

Of course, you can also do the work yourself and keep an eye out for any indications that your partner may be feeling a certain way. Body language, emotional expression, sounds – all of this can paint a thousand pictures if you just stop to pay attention. And it’s your responsibility to.

At the end of the day, there are always indicators that show when someone isn’t consenting, especially if they’re passive, silent, visually upset, or looking uncomfortable. If you’re unsure, it’s always worth asking them if they’re okay with what’s going on, or assessing if you need to take a step back overall.

If you’re not sure, stop before going any further

It’s important to consider whether the other person is inebriated or under the influence of drugs. Consequently, they may not be able to provide their consent to sex in the first place. It is your duty to make sure that they are emotionally and physically able to consent to the moment, no matter the circumstance.

Again, if you’re unsure, it’s best to come to a halt.

Consider the circumstances

Speaking of circumstances, it’s necessary to take into account the context and type of your connection with the person you’re intimate with. For example, if you hold certain authority over them – like in the workplace – or are a different age, all of this can influence their comfort with giving consent. They may even feel like they are compelled or unable to reject your offer.

Remember that sex is a joint activity and should always be approached with care and respect. If you’re ever unsure, step back, assess the situation and check with your partner.