What happens when ‘til death do us part’ doesn’t end the way it was planned?

You marry the love of your life and expect to stay in love and be in love to the end, but then something happens and the D word pops up, Divorce!

You fell in love with that special someone and you continued to love them throughout the years and then for any number of reasons the love is no longer there for one or both of you and through a lot of heartache and pain a decision is made that it is time to end the relationship.

Divorce is not a simple outcome for any couple, it is something that can hurt just as much as the reason they are contemplating it. I am not going to start going into reasons for break-ups as the list is endless, it comes down to personal wants and needs.

Your heart can be broken into a million pieces because of separation and divorce and if children are involved you can triple those pieces as your heart hurts for them as well. It is not something that is easy to overcome quickly and move on, it’s something that takes time to heal from.

Being suddenly single in a grown up world can be a very scary place, especially in the beginning. You are still nursing your wounds of heartache and lost, you may have the constant issue of thinking, what went wrong with the marriage why have you ended up here, even if you were the person who wanted it to end. It still isn’t easy, tears and the feeling of genuine grief will follow but it will get better.

If anyone tells you that their divorce was exciting or enjoyable for them they obviously were not in love at any point in time with their now ex. If you ever truly loved someone, it’s going to hurt letting them go even if you have been hurt during the relationship.

At this time you may be thinking long and hard about every angle/facet/detail about what the hell you’re supposed to do with this crumbled past you carry around in your hands, but don’t despair you will get there.

Once you start pulling yourself out of the D blues what do you do next? Are you ready or even wanting a new relationship? You may want to just be alone for a while and sort out what you and your heart wants or needs. You may even want to just date a little without having any kind of relationship.

There is no right or wrong in this scenario, it has to be what your heart and mind are telling you. Yes, your body will also be telling you something as your body has needs as well but luckily we can look after that aspect without having another person involved.

Being alone is a choice not because you can’t get a date it’s because you want to be. You need the time to heal and to find who you are. You have to remember that you were part of a couple, a team, and a family and now you need to find who you are.

Luckily, we are now living in a time and culture where the whole idea of being single doesn’t really mean being single at all. You will still find people, friends and family included that have their own expectations of what you should and shouldn’t be doing after your divorce and through your heartbreak. You have to remember that some people can be quite simple-minded when it comes to other people’s state of affairs. They may have what they believe to be good intentions as they may be scared of you being alone, but underneath it’s them that would be scared of being alone. Don’t let their issues into your new world.

There will be one evening that you may pour yourself a glass of wine or grab a bear sit down and watch an old favourite movie or TV show and slowly start to understand that, hey, this is kind of the best date I have ever been on in my entire life.

Sometimes being single is where we need to be to be able to find ourselves and you will know when the time is right for you to get up and do whatever it is that you want to do. Date, travel, play the field, look for that someone special or keep enjoying the company of yourself.

You may feel that you will never fall in love again, and I can’t say that you will or even if you want to, but there is the chance that there is another person out there who is looking and waiting for you and you just don’t even know it yet. This person may be the real person that you were supposed to have the ‘til death do us part’.